How People Behave Around You is the Best Way to Know What’s Repeating

• Video Transcript

  The people in your life affect you every day, and you can't help but be caught up in their changing moods and their reactions to you. Similarly, of course, your moods and reactions affect the people close to you, which in turn changes how they act. But how people act around you is more important than you might think.

  At this point, you need to forget about who the people are in your life, and by that, I mean forget the fact that they are your mother or brother or friend. And see them as people. Looking at them just as people allows you to see more clearly how they are behaving and how they are affecting you. Think about each person who is relevant in your life now and how they have affected you recently.

  Included in your thoughts about them is what they want from you and what your responsibility is to them. This is the important part because it stops you from seeing their actions in the best way. And the best way is to view how they act specifically towards you as having a purpose for you. But it's important to recognize what is for you and what is just daily life. And you can do that by looking out for when their behavior is following a pattern that has repeated before. If the situation feels familiar, like it's happened before, then it's important for you.

  For example, the person might be annoyed about something in a similar way to how they were annoyed when you did something in the past. This is your chance to get something from the situation. And as well as having the mandatory pain that is involved in many of these situations, there is also an opportunity to become stronger because of it and to act in the best way so that you can be a better version of yourself.

  Also, if you can see that they are exhibiting repeat behavior, then their actions will be predictable. And you can use this to help you navigate through the situation. So in order to get the most out of these situations, you first need to be aware of how the person is acting and which pattern of behavior they are following. Then you can act accordingly.

  A common pattern you might have in your life is getting the same kind of criticism from the same person. This kind of criticism is recognizable because it feels like a personal attack. When someone is criticizing you, it's natural to look inward and think that you should change. But this is wrong. Criticism from someone else should never be a catalyst for changing yourself.

  A similar but more extreme pattern is when a certain person is angry with you. And although what they are angry about is new, it still feels like a repeat situation. So in both of these cases when people are criticizing you or when people are angry, the best thing to do is to mentally close yourself up, let the person run out of steam, and wait for it to blow over. This is difficult because the natural instinct when being attacked is to fight back. But fighting back is not strength and never brings the result that you want.

  Another pattern is when someone annoys or irritates you. Usually, the full force of this feeling hits you after it happens and keeps coming back to you in waves. It might be a different person, but this feeling that you can't shake off is probably familiar. And every time you forget about it, the irritation comes back again. So what should you do? Well, when you see them again, it's definitely best not to react to it, even though you want them to realize what they did or see that they are wrong. It's unnecessary.

  But if you wait, and you can stand it, you'll find that your strong feelings go away, and you are left with clearer thoughts of what to do about that person. Throughout your day, you can gauge how you are doing by how people are acting and what situations are repeating, which will help you to gain confidence in how your life works.